What is Men’s Work?
It’s a question that comes up often in my line of work as a men’s work facilitator and coach– one that I get asked more and more as the men’s work movement continues to build steam and enter the more general sphere of reference:
What exactly is “Men’s Work”?
Before diving broadly into the topic, first let me offer my personal operational definition:
MEN’s WORK: Any act of self-development that a man takes on voluntarily to improve himself, generally in the company of other men.
What does that mean exactly?
Men’s Work is essentially a blanket term relating to personal development work that men undertake with other men, utilizing the group dynamic to reflect and catalyze positive transformation that men are generally unable to notice or undertake alone.
Men’s Work generally involves men coming together to form a “Men’s Group” or “Men’s Circle” – a group of men who organize themselves to get together at a regular time under specific guidelines in order to share their individual experiences as men.
Each man present typically will be given a chance to share for a set amount of time without being interrupted on his current personal circumstances and experience of manhood, with the opportunity at the end of his share to receive any support or advice he may be looking to receive on a specific matter at hand.
Men’s Work can also refer to Men’s Retreats, workshops, or Group Programs in which groups of men gather for a longer, more concentrated period of time, possibly over a full evening, long weekend, or even for a week or longer. At these events, men get the opportunity to more deeply explore the aspects of “what it means to be a man” by undergoing a series of conversations, rituals, rites of passage, or embodiment explorations such as meditation, breathwork, yoga, or dance, to name a few.
The positive benefits of Men’s Work are various, often resulting in the participating men experiencing fulfillment and connection as a result of hearing and being heard around the things that matter most. By inquiring deeply into what it means to be a man today, every man has the potential to start the journey down a path that leads to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
Through this work, I have seen men understand themselves more deeply, heal deep emotional and psychological wounds, work out their Father and Mother issues, and express themselves beyond what they thought was safe or culturally appropriate, only to be met with love and understanding where they expected judgment and rejection.
The History of Men’s Work
The “Men’s Work Movement” most notably began as a coalescence of three distinct movements that took place during the mid-to-late twentieth century:
First, the broader “self-development” or “self-help” movement beginning in the 1930’s (remember “Think and Grow Rich” and “How to Win Friends and Influence People”?) urged everyday citizens towards self-improvement and empowered the ordinary citizen ability to improve one's overall circumstances.
Next came the 1960's counterculture movement, complete with the hinting influence of psychedelics and the influx of Eastern spiritual traditions that began to push-back against the 1950's housewife and Working man ideals and swing the cultural pendulum in the opposite direction.
Finally, the “Men's Movement” officially got underway in the 1980's and 90's, spurned on somewhat both ironically and understandably by rise of Feminism – the women of that movement who had been systematically working to improve their own conditions and dispositions were now encouraging their men to do the same. Women wanted men that were sensitive enough to understand the impact they were having in their families, relationships, and the world at large – men who not only respected women, but themselves, and were willing to “do the work” to prove it.
The emergent visionaries of the early Men’s Movement days include the famed poet Robert Bly, author of “Iron John”, along with Robert Moore and David Gillette with their monumental Jungian contribution of “King Warrior Magician Lover”. The emergent and still to this day largest Men’s Work organization in the world, The Mankind Project, was born out of this work.
Further notable contributions rolled in from psychologist James Hillman, mythic storyteller Michael Meade, and famed mythologist Joseph Campbell, to name a few. Mytho-poets like Meade and Campbell promote initiation rites and nature-born men's circles, while the introduction of the work of David Deida in the mid-late 90’s through his seminal works “The Way of the Superior Man” and “Intimate Communion” offered a more meditative, martial, embodied, and purpose-driven structure that filled in much on the other side of the equation.
My own personal flavor of Men’s Work that I offer today could best be described as the love-child between the ritual and rite-of-passage fueled initiations of The Mankind Project and the 1980’s mytho-poets, combined with the formalized, martial, presence-based esotericism of Daivd Deida’s work, and his subsequent acolytes, such as my mentors, colleagues, and brothers over at Tribe Men’s Community.
I have found personally that weaving intentional ritual alongside formalized embodiment training into my men’s gatherings has particular benefit in helping men develop clarity around the personal, relational, and professional struggles they carry.
I also personally run an initiatory Men’s Group Coaching Program and Weekend Experience popularly known as “KINGDOM”.
How Men’s Work will save the world
No matter where your people come from – no matter what culture, creed, religious background, sexual preference, or color of skin a man claims, if you go back far enough into a man’s lineage, you will find a living tribal history, vibrantly alive with communities of men gathering together around fires to tell the truth, hear grievances, make decisions, and speak on the business of the day.
Men’s Work is as old as men, and it is a tradition that is truly as old as humanity itself. Whether we speak of the Uluru, Arapahoe, Finean, Maori, Celt, Tatar, Shibipo, Zulu, Ainu, Dane, Maori, Massai, Uyghur, Innuit, Kurd, or Algonquin, every tribe ever studied has had some form of intact traditions involving the Men of the Tribe, the initiations from boyhood to manhood, and other forms of celebrating their uniqueness and togetherness as men, seperate from (not better than) their women.
When men gather together regardless of the factors that have been used to divide us, powerful things happen. Imagine if you can, a society, a country, a culture, or a world where the men came together to solve differences through the power of the collective, where men were taught to value honesty and integrity and to value balanced emotionality as strongly as the balanced tools of combat?
Any man can learn how to speak openly and directly, take up space, listen intently without interrupting, offer thoughtful reflection, feel and show emotion, have disagreements, keep time, and maintain structure within the group. Structure leads to tightening or loosening of the circle – it can become tighter or weaker.
Men’s work also embodies the understanding that we don't just get all of our nourishment from our women – from mother, teacher, or lover. With so many modern men raised mostly or entirely by women, it is important for men to understand that men too can be nourishing, healing, reliable, and safe, able to impart the gifts of integrated masculine support to each other boldly.
In summation, Men’s work is the act of coming back to tribe, community, and brotherhood. It serves as a remedy for the imbalance of the “every man for himself” mentality. Men’s work is the cure for the hyper-individuation that results in zero-sum thinking, where one person making money in the stock market means someone else has to lose.
Look for a future post on HOW TO START YOUR OWN MEN’S GROUP, complete with instructions and details for how to invite, curate, and your group for the long haul.
Any additional questions, reach out!
Mikaal Bates
